I’m RIGHT! You’re WRONG!

Our success in life depends greatly on how well we communicate in our personal and our professional lives. When we communicate openly, positively, and effectively we inspire connections and build sincere, strong, sustaining relationships. Our ceiling of success then becomes like the old expression, “Sky’s the limit”.

What often gets in the way and sabotages successful communication is our personal beliefs of right and wrong.

Most of our beliefs can be traced back to our early years. I’m the youngest of seven and am blessed with a great family. I grew up on a farm in North Dakota. My past experiences will differ greatly from those who were not raised in the same environment. Our expectations of right and wrong will vary and may even conflict based on our past experiences.

When we interact with others, we are always coming from a place filled with our own experiences. Our expectations differ because of our unique and individual beliefs, opinions, and assumptions based on our experiences. These expectations become our personal truths upon which we base judgments of right and wrong. To help you remember the concept, see the first letters of each word; it spells out the word B.O.A.T. Beliefs, Opinions, Assumptions, therefore, are Truths based on our experiences.

We all have unique and individual experiences, yet we expect each other to think, act, and respond the same. These are some false expectations that can get us into trouble.

• Others must behave in the same manner as we do or their behavior is wrong.
• Another person’s behavior must mean the same as ours if we did that same behavior.
• We get in a disagreement because others disagree with our opinion (after all we are right)!

These are examples of expectations based on personal truths. Once we understand that our personal truths (how we judge the world by what is right and wrong) are based on the unique and individual experiences we have, we can no longer believe that our answer is the only right answer.

I would like you to try this exercise. Take your right hand and make a little telescope. Now close your left eye and look through your telescope with your right eye. Take a moment and look around the room. Imagine that the small circle area you are looking through is the scope of what you have experienced in life. Everything else outside of that view are experiences you have not encountered.

Our beliefs dictate our right! We may be right based on the current extent of our experiences. However, there is a whole big universe out there filled with experiences we have yet to meet. Right and wrong are really arbitrary. The more knowledge and understanding we have the more we will realize how ambiguous right and wrong become. When we continue to explore we will find there is always more to the story. For example a round versus a flat world.

I used to love listening to Paul Harvey’s The Rest of the Story. The Rest of the Story was a Monday-through-Friday radio program originally hosted by Paul Harvey. The Rest of the Story consisted of stories presented as little-known or forgotten facts on a variety of subjects with some key element of the story (usually the name of some well-known person) held back until the end. The broadcasts always concluded with a variation on the tag line “And now you know the rest of the story.”

Be open to the more of the story instead of stubbornly attaching to your beliefs. Avoid making assumptions and filling in the gap based on your B.O.A.T.! Ask questions until you uncover and understand the root of the belief. Here are some good questions to ask when you are in disagreement.

• Where did you learn this belief?
• Tell me why you believe this to be right?
• Tell me why you feel so strongly about this?

More importantly, do a little soul searching first to understand your beliefs before you question other’s beliefs. Here are triggering questions to ask yourself to uncover your why.

• Where did I learn this belief?
• Is this belief based on truth or illusion?
• How important is this belief?
• How this belief affecting me?
• Do I still need this belief (how relevant is it now)?

Let go of thinking I have to, you must, they should, and it has to be! These are the words we use to judge others. When we think we know more or better than someone else we are setting ourselves up for a clash of beliefs. We become too attached to our own point of view and that others must share it.   Once we become too attached to an idea we lose respect both for ourselves and others. Sometimes a belief can even become more important than the other people. It is the root of extremism and fanatics.

The world is filled with different beliefs. Who says we all have to always agree. More importantly we need to respect each other and work together for the better of all mankind. I love what my big sis Lorraine taught me years ago. It is okay to agree to disagree. We can stick to our right or we can be open to infinite possibilities!