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October 1, 2021

How to Encourage Accountability! Part 1

Just hearing the word accountability often results in a big sigh, rolling the eyes and that ugh feeling.  Let’s face it cultivating accountability can seem like a daunting task.  What usually pops into mind are the words babysitter or micro-manager from past failed attempts at trying to get others to be accountable. We often give up after two or three attempts to hold the person accountable.  We feel that the effort isn’t worth the frustration.

 

 

However, without accountability, execution suffers.  Performance deteriorates when we don’t hold ourselves or others accountable to getting work done well and on time. The more we let things slip the more acceptable it becomes to let them slip again.  A day becomes a week, a week a month and finally not at all.

I am often asked by my clients and audience members; “how many times do I have to ask or remind someone?”  My response is always until they do it or you let them go.  Otherwise, your culture reaps the result of lower performance.  Culture always starts with the leadership team.  It is either what leadership does or allows which becomes viewed as accepted by the team.

There are always consequences when there is lack of accountability to the patients, practice, and team.  Therefore, there must also be consequences to the person who is not being accountable.

Without it, it is difficult to get people to assume ownership of their own actions because they believe they will not face any consequences.

Here are ways leaders can demonstrate and encourage accountability.

Establish clear job expectations.  What are the daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly expectations?  I like to use S.M.A.R.T. Goals

  1. Specific
  2. Measurable
  3. Attainable
  4. Relevant
  5. Timely

 

Communicate daily and address any concerns immediately.  We often let things go a few times before addressing.  The concern is once something is allowed (not addressed) it is considered acceptable.  Nip things in the bud as soon as they happen.

Have constructive conversations.  Notice I did not say constructive criticism.  I have yet to find anything constructive about criticism.  A constructive conversation starts out with what you appreciate.  For example, “I really appreciate, or I really like that you did ____…And I would add ______ to make it even better.”  Notice I used the word and not the word but.  The word but negates what was previously said.  The word and builds on what was good.  Three positive comments to one growth opportunity make a good conversation.  Five positive comments to one growth opportunity make a great conversation!  We want to build our team up and make them feel more confident.  Confidence helps nurture accountability.

Read November’s Show Your Shine for Part 2 of How to Encourage Accountability!

September 1, 2021

Staff Shortage!!! 5 Steps to Help You Survive the Staff Shortage.

Yes, I know the term team is more uniting and empowering than the word staff.  Also, that staff is an infection.  😊 However, I like the alliteration of short staffed versus short teamed or team shortage.

Times have changed and nearly everyone faces sporadic or chronic staffing challenges.  Stop and take a moment and breathe deep!  You will survive this challenge and be even better after!

Start by writing an ad that is enticing and specific to attract that new superstar team member!  Together as a team define specific skills and traits desired for the position.  Please email me at JudyKay@PracticeSolutonsInc.net if you would like to receive a sample ad.

 

 

Here are 5 steps to help you survive the shortage until you hire your new superstar!

Communicate – Take time to communicate as a team.  Notice I used the term team now as no need for alliteration.  Together define specific tasks that were being done by the employee or employees who are gone.   Make a list of the specific tasks that need to be done instead of panicking.  Avoid generalization of tasks as the more specific the easier the solution.

Prioritize – Triage the list of tasks.  What must be done?  What can be delayed?  What can be let go?  I like to utilize Rocks, Pebbles and Sand to prioritize.

  • Rocks – Important and Urgent – Rocks must be done that day or consequences
  • Pebbles – Important and Not Urgent – Pebbles can be done another day without consequences. However, if delayed long enough a Pebble can turn into a Rock.
  • Sand – Not Important and Not Urgent – Sand is the filler like cleaning and organizing and can be delayed the longest.

Utilize Human Resources – Your human resources are your entire team.  So often we compartmentalize the team into departments.  We lessen our resources when we compartmentalize.  Instead, be creative when discussing who could do specific tasks.  Take time to cross train whenever possible.  A highly cross trained team is much more flexible and beneficial!  My favorite job description is:

“My job from the moment I check in to the moment I check out is whatever is legal, ethical, and within my licensure to help the patients, practice, and team thrive!”

Also consider which tasks could be done virtually.  There are many platforms available.   

Utilize Technology – Learn your technology in your practice.  Invest the time now and you will become more efficient and effective.  I work with practices nationwide and very few fully maximize their technology.  Schedule a call with your practice software trainer asap.  Review your lists of tasks to learn what tasks could possibly be automated.  For example, billing, confirming appointments, contacting recare etc.  There is often so much more we can do with the existing technology in our practice.

Look into additional technology that would allow you to automate in the clinical area.  For example, Voiceworks Software allows hygienists to be autonomous with probing as well as more effective and efficient.  Check out the video on voice-controlled charting.  The link is  https://oralscience.com/en/products/voiceworks/

Schedule – Review the schedule with your team based on current staffing available.  Many of you have new team members that will take time to train.  Do you need more time for procedures?  Do you need to change what is scheduled in conjunctive columns?  You may even need to temporarily suspend scheduling a column.  FEAR ALERT!!!  I know you are concerned about overhead and the bottom line etc.  However, if you consistently overwhelm and over burden your current old and new team members they may leave as well.  Or worse yet…they will stay and become burned out and disengaged.

Review the past two weeks schedule with your team.  Where were the bottlenecks and stress points?  What shows up consistently?  Adress the consistent problem areas by adjusting the schedule to accommodate them based on current team, training, and skills.

Implement these 5 steps and you will not only survive you will thrive!

August 2, 2021

Delivering W.O.W. Treatment Presentations!

The ability to proficiently present treatment and fees is critical to the success of your practice.  The more your patients understand their dental needs and the fees associated with treatment, the more likely they are to accept your recommendations. You want the patient to understand exactly what they need, why they need it, and the importance of getting it done now.

Most people dislike surprises when it comes to dental care and costs.  Real understanding on the part of the patient leads to case acceptance. Use stories and analogies focused on real life benefits for the patient.  For example, eating corn on the cob or steak or even just being able to smile.

It is vital that the team member (presenter) presenting treatment and fees is confident and comfortable with this role. Seventy percent of case acceptance breaks down because of the way the fees were handled.  The presenter must understand dentistry and absolutely believe in the value and the quality of dentistry delivered in the practice.

Teach all team members the procedures that are being performed in the office.  Together as a team create and practice consistent treatment verbiage.  Utilize the same verbiage the doctor uses to avoid any confusion and keep everyone in the practice on the same page.

It is critical that the presenter discuss the treatment and fees with enthusiasm.  Listen to the patient’s financial concerns, enthusiastically promote the payment options, and clearly communicate the financial protocol.  Our patients’ perception is based on only 7% of our words, 38% our tone of voice, and 55% our body language.

Consistent fees and payment protocols are vital to build the presenters confidence and proficiency. A dental practice is not a bank or a charity and deserves to get paid for services rendered. Never be uncomfortable about charging appropriate fees or pre-judge a patient’s ability to pay.

It is a lesson I learned well over 30 years ago.  I can clearly remember misjudging a patient’s ability to pay only to find out later they were extremely wealthy.  The patient arrived for their appointment disheveled and dressed in a dated threadbare running suit.  I later learned the patient had just come from working on a home project.  The phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” is a great metaphorical reminder that means one shouldn’t prejudge the worth or value of something by its outward appearance alone.

The following approach will enable the presenter to deliver W.O.W. Presentations.

Mindset

The goal of the practice is to make it as comfortable as possible for the patient to have the very best dentistry available.  Adopt a mindset of being an advocate to help the patient get the treatment they need and desire.  Present treatment with care and concern not assumptions, judgement or criticism.

Informed Consent

A successful treatment presentation results in informed consent not just scheduling treatment.  Verify the following information with every patient.

  • Sequence
  • Time
  • Compliance
  • Investment

Handling Objections

It is essential for the presenter to actively listen to the patient’s concerns and comments. Their responses focused on What’s In It For The Patient (WIIFTP).  Use patient focused benefits verbiage.  Speak in “layman’s” terms so the patient clearly understands what is being said.

I teach W.O.W. Presentations.  W.O.W. is an acronym for weed out the weeds.  A weed is anything that might make your patient feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, or unsafe and possibly destroy the relationship.

I have found the Feel, Felt, Found Method to show empathy works extremely well.

  • I can understand why you might feel this way.
    • It tells the patient you heard them and empathize with them.
  • Other patients had initially felt that as well.
    • It tells the patient they are not alone and things can change.
  • What they have found was….
    • It tells the patient what another person found when they followed through, they got the results they wanted.

 

W.O.W. Process – Work, Options, When

It is important that there is consistency of treatment presentations amongst team members as well as clear documentation of all patient conversations.  Utilize the W.O.W. Process to deliver consistent and effective treatment presentations. This is a second acronym for W.O.W. which is work, options and when.  The W.O.W. Process is a simple three step process.

  • Work
    • Review treatment and fees with patient.
  • Options
    • Offer options, finalize, and sign payment arrangements.
  • When
    • Offer two available appointments and schedule an appointment.

Delivering a W.O.W. presentation is a win for the patient and the practice, resulting in a healthy smile for the patient and healthy bottom line for the practice.

Email judykay@practicesolutionsinc.net to receive your white page on Delivering W.O.W. Treatment Presentations.

July 1, 2021

Culture Is Like a Puzzle!

When I think about culture, I think of it as a puzzle.  The framework of the puzzle is created by the owner dentist(s).  They design it using their vision, core values, type of service and treatment they desire to deliver.  The team are the pieces that together make up the body of the puzzle.

 

 

I have observed an increase in the team turnover this past year due to the pandemic and other reasons.  It is important to hire the right team member for the right spot to be a good fit.  Otherwise, the result is problems and team turnover.  As a team identify the character traits and skill sets that are needed in the new team member to succeed at their role and integrate with the existing team.

The existing team is responsible to learn how to successfully work with the new team member.  It is imperative that the existing team members take the time to get to know and train the new team member.  I understand that training can seem like an added burden to the existing workload.  However, the more welcoming and supportive the training the sooner the new team member will be able to take on tasks.  Some new team members are quick learners and instantly work well with the existing team.  They are like puzzle pieces that fit together.  Others take more time and effort.

Set realistic training expectations for each position in the office.  Base the expectations on the average learning cycle.  I have found the tell them, show them, have them show you training process is very effective.  Create weekly goals for the first month and monthly goals for the second and third month.  Assign a mentor to meet with the new team member on a weekly basis for the first 3 months to review and celebrate successes as well as discuss goals for the following week or month.  It is imperative that the mentor is supportive and understanding.  Training expectations will lessen feeling overwhelmed and clarify goals for the entire team.

It is the responsibility of the team (new and existing) not the doctor or manager to recognize what they need to do to create a cohesive puzzle.

Often multiple new team members are joining the practice resulting in multiple changes to the puzzle.  This becomes even more a challenge.  So how do we make all the new pieces fit together?  Find opportunities for the team to communicate openly day-to-day.  Get aligned by clarifying the following:

  • What are the expectations from the new team members
  • What are the expectations from the existing team members

For example, existing team members, just because you have always done it a certain way does not mean you don’t need to be open to new ideas.  New team members don’t try to change everything right away just because you did it differently at your old office.  The comment, this is how we did it at my other office, quickly gets old and is not appreciated.  New team members immerse yourself in the practice culture to understand what they do and why.   Wait to bring up any suggestions until after the first 90 days.  This will help eliminate chafing between new and existing team members.

Implementing this puzzle analogy will help create a happier, healthier, and higher performing culture.

June 1, 2021

My Way or The Highway!

Our success in life depends greatly on our relationships in life!  Our relationships are the result of how well we communicate and collaborate in our personal and our professional lives.  When we communicate openly, positively, and effectively we inspire connections and build sincere, strong, sustaining relationships. Our ceiling of success then becomes like the old expression, “Sky’s the limit”.

What often gets in the way and sabotages successful relationships is our personal beliefs of right and wrong.

Most of our beliefs can be traced back to our early years.  I’m the youngest of seven and am blessed with a great family.  I grew up on a farm in North Dakota. My past experiences will differ greatly from those who were not raised in the same environment.  Our expectations of right and wrong will vary and may even conflict based on our past experiences.

When we interact with others, we are always coming from a place filled with our own experiences. Our expectations differ because of our unique and individual beliefs, opinions, and assumptions based on our experiences. These expectations become our personal truths upon which we base judgments of right and wrong. To help you remember the concept, see the first letters of each word; it spells out the word B.O.A.T. Beliefs, Opinions, Assumptions, therefore, are Truths based on our experiences.

We all have unique and individual experiences, yet we expect each other to think, act, and respond the same. These are some false expectations that can get us into trouble.

  • Others must behave in the same manner as we do, or their behavior is wrong.
  • Another person’s behavior must mean the same as ours if we did that same behavior.
  • We get in a disagreement because others disagree with our opinion (after all we are right and want it our way)!

These are examples of expectations based on personal truths. Once we understand that our personal truths (how we judge the world by what is right and wrong) are based on the unique and individual experiences we have, we can no longer believe that our answer is the only right answer.

Our personal truths dictate our right!  We may be right based on the current extent of our experiences.  However, there is a whole big universe out there filled with experiences we have yet to meet.  Right and wrong are really arbitrary.  The more knowledge and understanding we have the more we will realize how ambiguous right and wrong become.  In our current state of affairs, it is very difficult to really know what is true or a manipulation of the truth.  When we continue to explore, we will find there is always more than one right way.

I used to love listening to Paul Harvey’s The Rest of the Story.  The Rest of the Story was a Monday-through-Friday radio program originally hosted by Paul Harvey.  The Rest of the Story consisted of stories presented as little-known or forgotten facts on a variety of subjects with some key element of the story (usually the name of some well-known person) held back until the end. The broadcasts always concluded with a variation on the tag line “And now you know the rest of the story.”

Be open to the more of the story instead of stubbornly attaching to your beliefs.  Avoid making assumptions and filling in the gap based on your B.O.A.T.!  Ask questions until you uncover and understand the root of the belief, the why behind the story.  Here are some good questions to ask when you are in disagreement.

  • Where did you learn this belief?
  • Tell me why you believe this to be right?
  • Tell me why you feel so strongly about this?

More importantly, do a little soul searching first to understand your beliefs before you question other’s beliefs.  Here are triggering questions to ask yourself to uncover your why.

  • Where did I learn this belief?
  • Is this belief based on truth or illusion?
  • How important is this belief?
  • How this belief affecting me?
  • Do I still need this belief (how relevant is it now)?

Let go of thinking I have to, you must, they should, and it has to be!  These are the words we use to judge others.  When we think we know more or better than someone else we are setting ourselves up for a clash of beliefs.  We become too attached to our own point of view and that others must share it.    Once we become too attached to an idea we lose respect both for ourselves and others.  Sometimes a belief can even become more important than the other people.  It is the root of extremism and fanatics.

The world is filled with different beliefs and different ways.  Who says we all have to always agree.  More importantly we need to respect each other and work together for the better of all mankind.  I love what my big sis Lorraine taught me years ago.  It is okay to agree to disagree.  We can stick to our right or we can be open to infinite possibilities!

April 30, 2021

A Communication Structure to Get in the Loop & Aligned! Part 2

Last month we covered different communication structures based on the size of the practice. This month will be focused on the meetings necessary to support your communication structure.

Allow time to communicate daily with a huddle. Daily huddles are for the team including doctor(s) to triage the day. Discuss any bottlenecks/obstacles, where to put emergencies and if any team member(s) will be missing that day. End the huddle with something positive and uplifting to help unite the team to work together to make it a great day!

Weekly management meetings between the director of operations and all location managers together will help nurture consistency, cohesiveness, and accountability throughout the company. It is key that any changes are discussed and agreed on at the weekly management meeting prior to implementing at any location.

Managers will meet with their team leads on a weekly basis to share information and get feedback that is pertinent to their location.

Mangers will also hold monthly team meetings to include their team, doctor(s), and director of operations. Each location manager will lead their own team meeting. The director of operations will attend each manager’s monthly team meeting to give a quick update on the company and to support the manager.

Team meetings are ideal for getting feedback from the entire team before making any changes. This allows the team to feel heard and take ownership. Team meetings also allow time to discuss and define how the change will be implemented in each location.

The frequency of team meetings will depend on your practice’s specific needs. I would suggest meeting weekly if you are a newer practice, newer team or and existing practice that is making a lot of changes. Monthly is sufficient if you have been in practice with the same team and not making many changes. Multi-location practices are to schedule monthly team meetings at each location the same week to keep the entire company on the same page.

Team meetings also help to create accountability by reviewing your previous meeting’s notes to see if the changes were successfully implemented.

It is imperative that everyone supports and holds each other accountable to the communication structure, or it will fail. Which means doctors/managers if someone on the team approaches you with a question, instead of answering the question, refer them to the appropriate person defined in the structure. Otherwise, the team will continue to go to the wrong person and disrupt the flow.

Here is a list of the meetings necessary to support an effective communication structure in a large practice or multi-location practice.

  • Annually or bi-annually teambuilding meeting for entire team and doctors
  • Annual performance review led by director of operations (DOO) and includes location manager and team member (feedback given to DOO from doctor prior to review if doctor(s) unable to attend)
  • Monthly leadership meetings between DOO and doctors
  • Monthly team meetings at each location (all the same week) led by location manager and includes DOO as well as doctors and team in that location
  • Weekly management meeting with DOO and all location managers
  • Weekly check in meetings with location manager and team leads
  • Individual team meeting as needed

Creating a clear and consistent communication structure and meetings will help keep everyone in the loop and on the same page working together for the greater good of the patients, practice, and team!

 

April 1, 2021

A Communication Structure to Get in the Loop & Aligned! Part 1

 

I think George Bernard Shaw said it best when he said, “The greatest problem with communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished!” I find that to be the case in many dental practices today. More relationships are destroyed because of poor communication than for any other reason.

I have the privilege of working with dental teams nationwide facilitating my Rise & Shine Culture Camps. I consistently observe concerns with the communication structure in dental practices. What I mean by communication structure is the actual flow of communication. It is what is necessary to keep everyone in the loop and on the same page working together for the greater good of the patients, practice, and team!

An effective communication structure starts with establishing a clear flow for communication and clarifying expectations to the team.

  • Who to go to or does it differ for specific areas? For example, do they always go to the office manager or is there a specific person for equipment repair, ordering supplies, or team, and patient concerns, etc.?
  • When to meet? Always consider who needs to know what information and when do they need to know it?
  • What is the decision-making process and how is it communicated to the team? Who will make the final decision and how quickly can it be made? I suggest trying to resolve within one week after being discussed at weekly management meeting to keep the practice moving forward. Try to resolve immediately if it pertains to the schedule that day.

 

The communication structure will differ based on size of practice and number of locations. For example, if you have one doctor and five team members in a single location versus 5 doctors and 45 team members in multiple locations.

The communication structure in a small one location practice without a manager would simply be doctor to team member and team member to doctor. As simple as that sounds it does not necessarily happen. I often observe a doctor or team member going another team member to share their concerns instead of going to each other. It is called gossip and is divisive.

The communication structure for practices with a manager would flow from doctor to manager and manager to team member and reversed team member to manager and manager to doctor. Even this simple communication structure can be difficult to maintain if the doctor and manager deviate from the flow.

It becomes more complicated when there are multiple locations and more team members with different shifts or start and end times. Larger multiple location practices with team leads would utilize the following communication structure. Doctors to director of operations, director of operations to location manager, location manager to team lead, team lead to team member. The reversed would-be team member to team lead, team lead to location manager, location manager to director of operations, director of operations to doctors.

Doctors may not always need to be included in the flow of communication depending on subject matter. The director of operations may make the decisions to expedite the process and keep the doctors in the loop at their scheduled monthly leadership meeting.

Implementing this communication structure will help to keep everyone in the loop and aligned!

Tune in next month to learn about what meetings are necessary to support your communication structure.

 

 

March 1, 2021

A Line Sand Day!

A Line In The Sand Day!

If you are reading this, you miraculously survived 2020.  2020 was a crazy ride that brought a combination of challenges that nobody would have believed could have happened.  For some it might have felt like the end was coming.  But we survived. We endured the challenges, and some of us even discovered new strengths and became even better. We adapted and made concessions, but we are still here.  Which is reason enough to celebrate with a thank you, amen or a TA-DAH!

The dark side of 2020 was comprised of negativity, uncertainty, fear, stress, anger, judgment, and blame, etc..  Many of us were hoping 2021 would magically change everything.  While the calendar might have turned a new page, much of our reality is continuing to be the same as we start 2021.  It’s time to reset and take action.  It’s time to let go of those dark emotions and move forward to a happier, healthier and higher performing 2021!

A line in the sand day is the perfect way to reset for 2021.  A line in the sand day is the day we decide to wipe the slate clean and start fresh.  Let go of the past and focus on the future.

We need to be able to let go of some of the things that happened if we want to work together successfully.  Because stuff happens and will continue happen.  A line in the sand day will allow the team to move forward and work together in a cohesive, happy, healthy and high performing culture!

It starts with being able to forgive and move on.  Let go of the things that happened and focus on how not to replicate them in the future we become a creator of our life.  If we choose to hang onto the things that happened to us and choose not to move on, we become a victim of our past.  I would much rather be a creator of my future than a victim of my past.

Let’s say I have a disagreement at work with someone and we aren’t getting along.  Co-workers don’t get involved with other team member’s dramas or you escalate the drama unless you are the doctor or manager or whoever handles conflict resolution in your practice.

It’s our job to work together well with our co-workers the moment we step across the threshold to start our day.  It’s each team member’s responsibility to figure out what they need to do to work together successfully.  Meet with any team member you are having the difficult problem with.  Extend the olive branch and openly discuss what you need from each other to work together successfully.  Focus on big picture goals first which are the core values of our practice.  Find what you agree on and build from there.  Be open and willing to compromise and agree on a process.  It’s not my way or your way it’s our way that supports the core values of the practice and is in the best interests of the patients, practice and team!  Not any one individual.  We make agreements.  We hold each other accountable and we support each other.  There are no individual opt outs.

The success of a practice is based on the success of the team.  We succeed as a team or we fail as a team.  If we run into hiccups, we review as a team and adjust what is needed to stay relevant.

I suggest a line in the sand day on a yearly basis.  It will enable your team to work together in a calm and cohesive manner and let go of the drama in the past.  Implement your line in the sand day and make 2021 your best year yet!

Contact me if you would like help implementing your Line in The Sand Day!

February 1, 2021

 Bye Bye to Bullying Behaviors!  

 Bye Bye to Bullying Behaviors!  

I have the privilege of facilitating Rise & Shine Culture Camps for dental teams nationwide!  The Culture Camp is focused on co-creating a happier, healthier, and higher performing service culture!  Each Culture Camp varies greatly as they are customized to fit the specific needs of the practice culture.

I often observe behaviors of team members and doctors that undermine the culture.  In many cases unbeknownst to the person.   They are unaware of how negatively their behavior affects the team, practice, and patients.   A conversation to enlighten awareness is often enough to halt the unhealthy behavior.

However, there are other toxic behaviors that are intentional such as pot stirring, gossiping, and bullying!  This message will be focused on Bullying.

The dictionary defines Bullying as the use of force, coercion, or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception (by the bully or by others) of an imbalance of physical or social power. This imbalance distinguishes bullying from conflict.[1] Bullying is a subcategory of aggressive behavior characterized by the following three criteria: (1) hostile intent, (2) imbalance of power, and (3) repetition over a period of time.[2] Bullying is the activity of repeated, aggressive behavior intended to hurt another individual, physically, mentally, or emotionally.  A bully deep down is insecure and fearful.  They fight these emotions by causing fear in others. Anyone can become a bully if they are fearful enough.

Most bully’s start out as a toxic performer.  A toxic performer is a team member who excels at their job and is toxic to their co-workers!  They are often told they are the best assistant or best hygienist etc. and start to consider themselves indispensable.  They have a Jekyll and Hyde behavior.  Doctors and managers make excuses for the toxic performer’s behavior.  They allow/accept it as a tradeoff for their skills and work performance.  I often hear doctors say, “I know Susie is difficult to work with.  We have even lost a few good team members because of her.  However, she is so good with our patients.   No one can do her job like she does.  If she ever treated patients like that, of course she would be gone!”   Excusing and justifying the negative behavior is what empowers toxic performers to continue them.  Left unchecked theses negative behaviors will escalate to bullying.

It is vital for the health of the practice culture to establish a standard for the practice declaring that the team must treat each other as well or better than they treat their patients to be a part of your team.  No exclusions and no exceptions.  Either they stop their negative behaviors, or they are no longer invited to be a part of the team.  Let them take their toxicity somewhere else.   We must never allow bullying in our practice.

We know who the bully or bullies are if we are on the receiving end.  But how do we know if we are the bully?  Bully is such a strong word, so we often avoid using it.  Read on to see if you demonstrate any of the following bullying behaviors.

 

Domination/Control Issues

As I mentioned, bullies are insecure and fear that others will find out.  They are filled with N.E.T.’s (not enough thoughts).  Not good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough or powerful enough etc…  They are driven to prove to everyone, mostly themselves, that they are.  They worry if they lose control they will get hurt.  They dominate others to maintain control.

Reflect to identify your control issues and find the underlying reason you feel the need to control everything and everyone around you.  Confront your insecurities and fears and change the internal dialogue to enough thoughts!

Emotional Reactors

Bullies are emotional reactors.  They are not in control of their emotions; anger quickly and lash out instead of taking time to understand.   Fear and anger can override better judgment.  There is very little to prevent a bully from acting on those emotions.  They may pride themselves on being direct when in truth their reaction is instead brusque. I refer to their reaction as The Emotional Reaction Cycle.  The Emotional Reaction Cycle is when something happens, meaning is assigned, the meaning generates emotions, the emotions drive a reaction.  The cycle can be stopped by respectfully asking to understand instead of assigning meaning and reacting brusquely.

Superiority Complex

Bullies often struggle with a superiority complex which promotes treating others as inferior.  They believe they are mentally, economically, socially, racially, or physically superior.  Their beliefs lead to lack of empathy and justification of dehumanizing actions.

Dehumanizing is when we stop seeing someone as another human being and instead categorize them by their religious, economic, social, and political affiliations, etc.  It is easier to be insensitive, degrading, disrespectful, and rude etc. to someone we have pigeonholed.  We identify and connect with certain groups and become intolerant and disconnect from other groups.

News Media and Social Media have become master pot stirrers trying to enrage and divide groups by planting explosive innuendos.  Much of their hype scraps end up being rumors and false information.

Instead have empathy and take time understand (research) other point of views.  When we interact with others, we are always coming from a place filled with our own experiences. Our expectations differ because of our unique and individual beliefs, opinions, and assumptions based on our experiences. These expectations become our personal truths upon which we base judgments of right and wrong. To help you remember the concept, see the first letters of each word; it spells out the word B.O.A.T. Beliefs, Opinions, Assumptions, therefore, are Truths based on our experiences.

It is important that we as individuals make a personal commitment to be open, respectful, and understanding of each other’s B.O.A.T.; it is what will enable us to communicate and interact effectively.  Choose to communicate with each other in a rational and reasonable manner.  Who knows, you may even shift your B.O.A.T.!  Always consider how you might make the other person feel.  Ask yourself, “How can I say what I need to say while still respecting how I make the other person feel?”  Here is a link to watch a video of me presenting on B.O.A.T.! https://youtu.be/xanv–CB2CY

Victim Mentality

Bullies refuse to accept the responsibility for their own actions and instead will shift blame to the someone or something else.   They don’t see their bullying behaviors as their fault.  Instead, they blame it on to the person they are bullying, the situation or other people.  “They made me act this way!” is a common excuse from bullies.  They see themselves as the victim in this case.  Even more incredulous is some bullies believe they are a hero because they were just protecting the practice or patients.  We choose our behaviors.  No one makes us act a certain way.  Be proactive and choose how you will show up each day!

I can help you!  Book a Rise & Shine Culture Camp and say bye bye to bullying behaviors.

January 1, 2021

Leave Your C.R.A.P. at the Door!

Leave Your C.R.A.P. at The Door!

Happy New Year!  Usually, I like to start the year focusing on how to improve and grow.  I don’t know about you, but I would be thrilled with just getting back to the old norm in 2021!  The pandemic was like a remote control that put us on pause and now it is time to hit play!

The uncertainty of the pandemic, election, shutdowns, etc.…the list goes on and on has been an enormous weight we have all carried.  Which over time lowers our level of tolerance and heightens our level of insensitivity.  The media including social media has played an enormous role in fueling negativity.  So many people with keyboard courage.  Strike that; keyboard cowardice.

We continuously hear our politicians talking about uniting and becoming one again.  Yet bipartisan behaviors continue to happen on both sides.  I remember my dad, Clem Miller, chiding me about being to pro for one party.  He believed you must take everything you hear regarding politicians with a grain of salt.  Truths are manipulated in both parties.  He simplified it by comparing Democrats and Republicans to the Looney Tunes characters, Ralph the wolf and Sam the sheep dog.  They would fight each other all day long.  However, once they clocked out for the day, they would go back to being friends.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VYtiyjqx7E

We can’t control what others do but we can control what we do.  Our actions will determine our outcome.  It is time to leave the 2020 C.R.A.P. at the door and move on to a more positive and prosperous 2021!

C.R.A.P. is an acronym for:

  • Criticism
  • Rudeness
  • Assumptions
  • Problems

 

Criticism – The dictionary defines criticism as the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes.  We have the right to have our own opinion and so does everyone else.  Make a commitment to start 2021 with respecting other people’s opinions.  We show respect by listening openly to understand and even consider their point of view.  Start out the conversation by focusing on what you do agree on.  Be mindful of your words, tone, body language and energy.  Our words make up only 7% of how others perceive us.  Body language is 55% and tone of voice is 38%.  When you approach someone come with an energy and mindset of care and curiosity versus judgment and blame.

Rudeness – The dictionary defines rudeness as behaving inconsiderately, aggressively or deliberately offensively.  Consider how your words, body language and tone can convey perceptions of rude behaviors.  Be polite by being thoughtful of the other person’s feelings.  Simple words, please and thank you are powerful.  Ask questions to understand and acknowledge responses.  Before speaking always ask yourself, how can I say what I need to say while still respecting how I make the other person feel.  Avoid flippant sarcastic remarks like whatever which lessen the seriousness.  Address mistakes with kindness and compassion.  Body language such as rolling of the eyes or frustrating sighs are dismissive actions.  Curse words and name calling are offensive and never ever appropriate.

I love to use the acronym T.H.I.N.K. as my filter before I speak.  It helps me communicate positively and effectively and avoid conversations that require and apology later.

  • T- is it true
  • H – is it helpful
  • I – is it inspiring
  • N – is it necessary
  • K – is it kind

Assumptions – The dictionary defines assumption as a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof.  False assumptions run rampant and are most often negative.  Here is a three-letter word that will resolve assumptions…ASK! Stop assuming and ask questions to understand.  When you get that twinge in your gut and you think… “Hmmm…I wonder what they meant by that?” or you find yourself saying “I think they meant this” – you don’t know! Stop yourself immediately from wondering and speculating, go directly to the person and ASK! You will be surprised how many of your assumptions are incorrect after you hear their response.

Problems – The dictionary defines problem as a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.

The average person has 60,000 thoughts a day.  95% are redundant…the same thought we had yesterday is the same as today and tomorrow.  80% are negative unless we are mindful.  Negative thinking can often make a mountain out of a mole hill.  Many of our problems our self-induced by the words we use to describe a situation or person.  Words that label such as hard, difficult, and stressful generate those same emotions.  For example, we review the schedule at the morning huddle and say it’s going to be difficult and stressful day.  We will look for things to reinforce our beliefs and it will become a difficult and stressful day.  Instead use the word interesting to describe a person or situation.  Interesting is a neutral word.  Be a creator of your day and replace negative problem thoughts with positive actions that resolve the problem.  Leave your C.R.A.P. at the door and make 2021 your best year yet!

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